Ambien

Sweet God this drug delivers just as it says it does. My thyroid was off at my doctor visit yesterday & my doctor said that is the reason that it's been so hard for me to get good rest. I got a Rx for Synthroid, which I will begin taking immediately. I also received a Rx for Ambien to take for a month while my thyroid gets under control. The Ambien is designed to help me fall asleep quickly.

Last night the kids were staying w/their Dad & I didn't have to wake up early to get them to school. So, I decided it was the best time to try the Ambien to see how my body reacted to it. I was in the bathtub when I realized I had forgotten to take it. I thought I'd take it, get my bath, & then read or watch a Christmas movie on TV while waiting for it to kick in & lull me to sleep. So, I got out of the tub & dripped my way into the kitchen & took a whole 10mg Ambien, washed down w/a swig of Diet Coke. Then I got back into the tub. That's it...all I remember...end of story!

I woke up 2 hours later, still in the tub!, puckered toes & all. Without knowing, I had washed my hair & even shaved my legs. Not bad. Still feeling more than half asleep, I got my jammies on, fed my doggies & let them out to potty, brushed my teeth & crawled into bed AND TEXTED A FRIEND! I don't even remember texting. Apparently it was to say Thanks for the talk we had that day, I was trying out my new medicine, & going to bed. When I woke up this morning, refreshed & renewed (not groggy at all), I had trouble trying to recall the events after climbing into the tub.

There were windows of time I could remember, but not alot. I remember getting into the tub & waking up in the tub. That's all. I thanked God that I didn't drown in the tub & that I let my dogs back inside, so they didn't run away, & then with a little laugh, I thanked God for waking me up. My Mama called to see if I wanted to do lunch. Then I looked at my cell phone & saw the texts to my friend. They weren't even words! Hahahaha.

Tonight I have the kids & will be taking the Ambien again, but here's what's different...
- I will make sure everyone is asleep, dogs let out & fed, & doors locked
- I will put the TV on a timer
- I will make sure I'm bathed & in bed ready for sleep AND THEN
- I will take 1/2 of an Ambien pill.

That label wasn't lying when it said it's a fast-acting drug. Whew. Thank you God for mercy. I love it when God lets us know He has a sense of humor. I'm sure he got a good laugh out of me lastnight.

Praise Report AND Love Is In The Details

Yesterday I had my 3 month visit for scans and treatment in Charlotte. I always get a little stressed before these visits, but my husband has always said the same thing...things have looked great for you every time you've gone for 2 years now. No reason to believe anything will be different. You are fine. I wasn't expecting him to say these words this time because we are separated and I never know what mood he will be in. It was just as comforting as always. My friend and I left for Charlotte on Monday night and endured the ALL DAY shuffle from office, lab, office, etc. and then the several hour wait while I received my infusion.
I received the good report that I wanted. God continues to reveal Himself to me in amazing ways. My scans looked great and I continue to have no side effects from the drug that I am receiving. God is Good! All the time!
As we were on our way home, I called to check on my children. They told me they were eating out at one of my favorite restaurants with their Dad. They were glad to hear my good report. Once we were almost home I received a phone call from my husband. He wanted to know if I'd like for him and the kids to bring me something to eat. I said yes and they pulled up in the driveway at the same time I did. Please mind you, my hubby and I are separated and it is EXTREMELY difficult for me. Treatment days are difficult for me as well (weak from blood drawn and exhausted from travel and sitting all day). I approach somewhat guarded because I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to give myself false hope. He has not yet expressed a desire to change his life and return home. I pray everyday for hubby's awakening and look forward to the day that we share our lives together again and develop an overwhelming passion to serve Christ as an entire family. I shared some hugs and then it was time for them to leave, as there was homework to still be done and I also had to get to the pharmacy to have some meds filled. It was a bittersweet moment...hubby and I shared a hug (which always makes me happy), I shared hugs with the kids, and then I realized I would be returning from CVS to an empty home while the kids were with their Dad for the night.
I asked God to reveal His blessings to me and give me a sign that He is working on hubby. When I returned home from CVS I decided to heat up the leftovers and call it an early night. Then I noticed something small, but to me in that moment it was an amazing thing. Hubby had the leftovers all separated on the counter. The meat, rice and veggies were all in their own containers. For me, as a person with strange OCD food issues, this is a dream. He could've just dumped all the leftovers into one big box, all jumbled together and left it to me to sort it when I was ready to eat, but he thought of me. I decided to text him and let him know that it may not have seemed it to him, but to me it was a gesture of love and I appreciated it whole heartedly. He said that he knew how I liked things. I'm trying hard not to read something into it. However, I did take it as a sign from God that He is working, even in the small areas that I normally would have overlooked. Some of my friends will fuss and tell me I'm crazy because I texted a thank you, but I felt it was necessary. Love is in the details.

Carolina vs Clemson

I LOVE me some college football and I LOVE me some South Carolina vs Clemson! Tonight I am enjoying this game on the tv, sitting in my PJs, enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers, drinking a glass of wine, while I'm texting my cousin and some friends who are at the game.

Here's my question...how many of us avid college footballers will be just as excited to wake up in the morning and head to church to enjoy some praise & worship and be fed some spiritual food from our awesome Pastor Tim? Sadly, I don't think we will pack God's house quite as full as we pack Williams-Brice Stadium. So, whether you cheer for South Carolina or Clemson, or some other team, good luck and may you not lose your religion while watching your game. See ya at church tomorrow! Don't forget to say your prayers and always kiss your spouse Goodnight.

My Story

Approximately 3 yrs ago I began my battle with malignant melanoma. It began as stage 2 and after 2 extremely long and difficult surgeries and 6 weeks of radiation, it cleared from my neck and metastasized to my abdomen in 4 tumors, which escalated it to stage 4. I am currently receiving a clinical trial drug in Charlotte, NC. I am very blessed. God miraculously opened this door for me and after much prayer and fasting, My husband (we will call him Hubby) and I decided to walk through it. It's been a long road, but I have responded VERY well to the treatment, avoiding ALL side effects. The doctors and nurses at the Blumenthal Cancer Center in Charlotte, NC have told me that I'm a story that they often refer to when they tell people about the drug. Currently I go to Charlotte every 3 months for a neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis CT and provided the doctors like my progress, I proceed to the infusion room to have blood drawn, to the doctor's office to have my scans read and my labs approved and then back to the infusion room for my 90 minute drip. It makes for a very long day, but a day nonetheless that I'm fortunate to be a part of. My anxiety and the devil get into my head every time my visit approaches, but I always remember how Hubby says, for the last 2 years my scans have continuously and progressively been good AND I feel amazing, so what makes me think that my scans would be anything except amazing again? So I continue to count my blessings and be positive. Things could be A LOT worse, but God has given me his grace and blessing to make it through this valley.

As if fighting cancer isn't enough for my family, my husband and I have recently separated. We haven't been happy for a while now and when you throw cancer into the mix, I guess it was more than we were prepared to handle. I won't go into the details of our separation, but will say that it certainly wasn't something I chose. Hubby moved out on September 5 and I miss him horribly! I've received advice from friends and family about what I need to do so far as divorce, mediation, etc. However, I have prayed, prayed and prayed some more and God has told me to work on me and assured me that He will work on Hubby. So, that's what I'm doing. Hubby isn't ready to change his life and come home yet, but I am standing in the gap for him and praying throughout everyday. I don't want him to come home w/things the way they are. We both have to get our lives back on the right track w/God and God will bring us back together in His time. Any time before that wouldn't be the right time. That is easy to say, but so hard to apply to my life everyday. I hope that by blogging our situation, I can show others that it CAN be done w/God's grace, prayer, fasting and exercising faith.