Why do we put our hope in people when they continuously let us down? You would think I had figured that out by now, but I haven't. I'm such an optimist. My logic (& my best friend says my logic is crazy & gets me in trouble), but my logic tells me that generally people are good & if we treat them good and right, we will get that in return. But that's not always the case is it? However, I will not make myself be a negative person w/a heardened heart. God has really helped me in that area.
In regards to my husband, my new job is to stop putting my hope in him. I don't want him putting hope in me either right now. We need to put our hope in God. Do I want my marriage to work out? Of course I do! We have kids that are depending on us to figure this out.
My new goal is to stop letting my struggling marriage consume me. My hope is in God, that He will restore our marriage, trying to have a little faith here. There will always be a place in my life for Hubby. But, for now, I'm moving forward, rediscovering myself, getting myself into shape at the gym, tackling small household projects w/the kids, enjoying time w/friends, having stupid fun, turning up the Christmas songs in the car w/my best friend & singing at the top of our lungs, which the kids just love, NOT.
Let me just say this...moving forward, cutting my losses, letting Hubby go his way and me go mine isn't the right thing to do FOR ME and isn't what I want. Initially that would be SO hard, but then it would get easier. God doesn't want me to do that. W/in the last month God has shown me that He wants me to put my hope in Him and stand in the gap for my marriage w/prayer and fasting. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Some days I want to give up, but God gives me a word, shows me something through my children, or does something else to remind me that right now, standing is my job.
We STAND for a reason. Hope and faith are what lets us get through each and every day. My husband has been a pessimist when it comes to God, but I know that he feels that he is there. We have been married for almost 18 years and I have seen different stages in his maturity and growth. No, he doesn't go to church or sit down and read the Bible, but I know that God does live in his heart and makes his be a good person. Don't get me wrong, there are really selfish aspects of him and how he thinks that the world should and does revolve around him, but I take my hints from God that I am here to remind him that it does not revolve around him. :-) Mica - happy you are taking this journey with God by your side. He will lead you to where you are supposed to be. And you are right - it will be in His time, not ours. ~ Becky ~
ReplyDelete